In Theaters Now – It (2017)
Something evil is haunting the town of Derry, Maine. It’s a clown that really likes fucking with the protagonists. Can Jon overcome his love of the original Tim Curry It? […]
Tag Archives: movie review
Movie Mastery – The 13th Warrior (1999)
It turns out that not every single person that makes a suggestion for the show ends up trying to get us to watch the absolute worst nonsense available. This time […]
Movie Mastery – In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2006)
At some point in time Uwe Boll watched The Lord of the Rings and thought to himself, “Hey, I could do that.” Using the barest connection to a video game […]
In Theaters Now – The Dark Tower
There are other worlds than these. In one of those worlds, there was probably an adaptation of this well beloved series that received critical acclaim and went on to be […]
In Theaters Now – Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Most of your favorite sci-fi has likely borrowed something from the hugely influential comic series Valerian and Laureline. Now see the adaptation of the source material that has the bravery […]
Movie Mastery – Rock-a-Doodle (1992)
Get ready for an animated musical that features all of your favorite things from the genre including: Songs that last 10 seconds, useless main characters, and a total lack of […]
Movie Mastery – Scourge of Worlds (2003)
Join us on a magical adventure where YOU decide what happens! Well…not, you. I mean, WE decided what would happen. We had the controller and all. Anyway, it’s a choose […]
In Theaters Now – The Mummy (2017)
It’s time to enter a new Dark Universe. One where all the old horror movie monsters have been turned into super villains that aging action heroes must combat for the […]
In Theaters Now – Baywatch
Normally seeing that The Rock is in a movie is an assurance that it will at least be somewhat charming, if nothing else. The greatest sin of this movie isn’t […]
Movie Mastery – Tiptoes (2004)
Yes, ok, Gary Oldman has great range and can do many characters. That said, making him walk around on his knees and pretend to be a little person is […]
Movie Mastery – Fateful Findings (2013)
Take a journey into the fever dream of Neil Breen. Where no plot point is too stupid to be included and no detail is too interesting to suddenly ignore entirely. […]
In Theaters Now – Fate of the Furious
Yet more Vin Diesel action in this movie that is a culmination of what the series has done so far. Which is drive fast, blow stuff up, and have some […]
Movie Mastery – Laser Mission (1989)
Time to delve into the mysterious world of espionage carried out by incompetent, non-government agents-for-hire. Can Michael get the diamond before the super weapon is built? Can nepotism overcome how […]
Movie Mastery – Power Rangers (2017)
Come fellows, it is the time of morphing! That’s what they always said, right? I’m not a 90s kid or whatever you needed to be to care about this.
Movie Mastery – Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
This movie is the worst. Not mentioned in the review but a running “gag” in the film is his neighbor’s kid keeps getting horribly mangled by things. This managed to […]
In Theaters Now – Fifty Shades Darker
Quick warning on this one: If you don’t want to hear about emotionally abusive relationships or really terrible sex, give this one a pass.
Movie Mastery – Blood Punch (2014)
Think about the concept of Groundhog’s Day but it’s an action thriller movie. Got it? Ok, now instead of the super rad thing you imagined; think of the dullest version […]
In Theaters Now – xXx: Return of Xander Cage
When the world is in peril and all seems lost; there is only one man that the U.S. Government can turn to. Xander Cage and his power of sassy extreme […]
Movie Mastery – Judge Dredd (1995)
A pretty horrible take on the property but it’s still probably better than the first two times they tried to make a Punisher movie. Also, for the mythology nerds out […]
In Theaters Now – Assassin’s Creed
The Assassin’s Creed games are all about the epic struggle between two secret societies in a deadly struggle for the fate of mankind. The Assassin’s Creed movie is all about […]
System Mastery 