Movie Mastery – The ALF Movie (1987)
Hah! He kills us. This almost embarrassingly cheap TV special takes Alf on a grand tour of… some B-roll footage of Chicago. We meet ALF’s brother Mitch (yes, we know […]
Category Archives: Movie Mastery
Movie Mastery – Theodore Rex (1995)
After the release of Jurassic Park, dinosaur mania was sweeping the nation. The people wanted dinosaurs and they didn’t care how they got them. Then along came this putrid attempt […]
Movie Mastery – Helldriver (2010)
It’s like someone took the storyboard for an amazing, nutty zombie movie and then let the most boring person alive edit it. If you thought that the one thing that […]
In Theaters Now – Black Panther
From the bottom of our heart shaped plants, thank you for voting for this over Fifty Shades this month. It is a rare occasion that we get to see and […]
In Theaters Now – Maze Runner: The Death Cure
In a world where every post apocalypse scenario has come to pass, only a handful of plucky kids can save the day. Can the mega corporation with the dumbest acronym […]
Movie Mastery – Guardians (2017)
It’s time for some superhero action from the Motherland. Russia’s greatest/only heroes must band together to stop the machinations of the evil Dr. Electro-Bane. It’s like if the Fantastic Four […]
Movie Mastery – Suburban Commando (1991)
There was a time when Hollywood was trying really hard to turn Hulk Hogan into a legit movie star. With films like this, though, they skipped the standard process […]
In Theaters Now – Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
So this isn’t a reboot or a remake, this is a sequel to the 1995 original Jumanji movie. Which is weird, because they ditch the entire conceit of the original […]
Movie Mastery – The Santa Clause 1, 2, and 3
Merry Christmas, everyone. As a special holiday treat we are giving you a giant-sized gift in the form of us reviewing ALL THREE Santa Clause movies. Just a warning, we […]
Movie Mastery – Deck the Halls (2006)
It’s time for some seasonal fare with the first of our Bad Dads Christmas movie spectacular. Do these terrible dads not love Christmas enough? Do they love it too much? […]
In Theaters Now – Justice League
Beloved heroes will come together in a climactic story that will both shock and entertain you as you see the spectacle you’ve been waiting years for. That’s not until Avengers: […]
Movie Mastery – The Chipmunk Adventure (1987)
You might have seen this as a kid and remember that it was a fun musical cartoon movie with characters jetting around the globe. It is that, yes, but it […]
Movie Mastery – Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties (2006)
Just as this was torture to watch, so too must this episode be torture to listen to. Sadly the audio equipment malfunctioned on this one. Rather than just lose an […]
In Theaters Now – My Little Pony: The Movie
Can the magic of friendship overcome the oppressive totalitarian regime of the Storm King and his merchandising? Probably! Special guest James D’Amato from One Shot joins us in picking […]
Movie Mastery – Night Train to Terror (1985)
God and the Devil must divvy up the souls of the dead in this horror anthology where everything is just super truncated clips from movies that they could get as […]
In Theaters Now – It (2017)
Something evil is haunting the town of Derry, Maine. It’s a clown that really likes fucking with the protagonists. Can Jon overcome his love of the original Tim Curry It? […]
Movie Mastery – The 13th Warrior (1999)
It turns out that not every single person that makes a suggestion for the show ends up trying to get us to watch the absolute worst nonsense available. This time […]
Movie Mastery – In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2006)
At some point in time Uwe Boll watched The Lord of the Rings and thought to himself, “Hey, I could do that.” Using the barest connection to a video game […]
In Theaters Now – The Dark Tower
There are other worlds than these. In one of those worlds, there was probably an adaptation of this well beloved series that received critical acclaim and went on to be […]
In Theaters Now – Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Most of your favorite sci-fi has likely borrowed something from the hugely influential comic series Valerian and Laureline. Now see the adaptation of the source material that has the bravery […]
