Horrortoberfest Day 1 – Alice in Murderland (2010)

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Fairy tale Horror week starts off with a whimper as we review a terrible student-film quality movie about a slasher at an Alice in Wonderland themed party.  The premise of this movie is that when Alice is but one year old, her mother is killed while looking to buy a place.  Then, 20 years later ON THAT VERY DAY, Alice has a birthday party with her Sorority Sisters at the same place her mother was killed at and the murder starts again.  Fairly standard low-budget slasher plot but with a bunch of Alice in Wonderland puns.

Now, I love a good stupid joke or pun but this movie is packed full of them and then makes the horrible mistake of pointing them out.  “You should be the Cheshire Cat because your name is Kat and you keep disappearing.”  Yes, thank you for explaining things.  You also have Dee and her friend that is dumb but that’s not subtle enough so we need to say “Hey you should be Tweedledee and Tweedledum because you’re Dee and she is dumb”  DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU? Unfortunately, everything remotely clever or interesting will then be spelled out and I wish that they were aware of it and, I don’t know, mugged for the camera afterwards.  Instead it just feels very forced and like they weren’t sure they could rely on the audience to get the joke.

The way the film is shot is super low-budget.  I honestly don’t even know how this managed to make it on to Netflix.  This is like someone’s Youtube video with worse editing.  First scene someone gets out of a pool and is “drying off” while completely dry.  Alice gets a bucket of water dumped on her as a prank and goes to clean up and is now completely dry.   Amusingly, every murder makes sure not to make a mess.  The first three people to die all do so on tarps, then in a shower, then on the street and the rest are fairly bloodless with maybe some blood from their mouths.  Which wouldn’t so much be a problem if they hadn’t randomly switched up the level of blood.  Someone gets stabbed, once, and their guts fall out and blood sprays everywhere.  Someone else gets beheaded and there is literally no blood.  Not even a spray on the killer.  Also in that scene, the lighting switches from being at night to at day randomly.  So good job on that.

Acting wise, everything is pretty much awful.  This is porn level acting.  Hell, at the beginning there is a scene in a teacher’s office that seriously made me think it was about to take a turn for the porno where a student is trying to make up for missing a test.  This movie also features the worst “high acting” where apparently being on mushrooms makes you act drunk and takes effect immediately upon swallowing.  The writing isn’t exactly helping either.  The amount of times someone mentions “Murdered here ON THIS VERY DAY” makes you really wonder why her best friend would be like “You know what sounds fun.  Let’s celebrate your 21st birthday in the house your mother was murdered in.  Also, no music, no boys and no cell phones!  I AM THE BEST FRIEND EVER!”  Also worst killer motivation.  “My mom killed your mom and then hung herself so now I have to kill you.  And also all these other people that are unrelated to that.”

Special mention needs to go out to this movie’s use of race.  It’s terrible.  The cast is all white folk except for two people.  One of the boyfriends is black.  He is shown as being, in order, a bad student, a thug, a bully, and then the first of the main people to die.  Also, the uncle of the girl he is dating “Doesn’t approve of her seeing him.”  Way to be, movie.  The other non-white person is an Asian girl in the sorority.  She is a drug dealer, a chemistry major so she can better appreciate drugs, and is literally not included in any scene where she doesn’t talk about mushrooms.  And yes, she is the Caterpillar at the costume party.  Get it?  Mushrooms? Like in Alice in Wonderland?  Let me talk about mushrooms some more.

So, final thoughts on this movie are that you really shouldn’t watch it.  It’s too long to be worth sitting through.  Not bad enough to be funny and not self-aware enough to play with how bad it is.  Honorable mention for having the only scene of a costumed slasher picking up a flashlight before going to chase after their victim.  So this movie gets a 1 out of 5.

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