In Theaters Now – Avengers: Infinity War

You didn’t vote for it but we went to see it anyway. It’s anarchy here over at Movie Mastery studios. Jef is gone and has been replaced by fan favorite, Claire. It’s all topsy-turvy and the whole world is blowing up. In the movie, too.

4 responses to “In Theaters Now – Avengers: Infinity War

  1. Weirdly enough, I’ve always considered Thanos to be the least interesting Marvel villain. He doesn’t even have a neat concept or interesting implications, he’s just a big purple galoot who wants to blow up the universe because that’s the only way he can have an erection anymore.

    The entire Infinity War event always irked me because of that – everyone else in the conflict has something to work with, but they’re just there to get pummeled by a pathetic dipshit with the mentality of a toddler so he can then become omnipotent and be even more of a toddler.

    Rewriting Thanos into Purple Space Two-Face was the best thing they could have done, and I really got into the character once they actually focused on how utterly out to lunch Thanos would have to be to do any of this shit. He’s some variety of government official who came up with a “brilliant” solution for his planet’s woes, was rejected, then had a ringside seat for his species’ extinction – so now he runs around attacking vulnerable planets and butchering their populations because he needs to prove to himself that Titan’s fall was avoidable, that if they’d just LISTENED to him then everything would be okay.

    Sure, he’s basically an intergalactic Pol Pot who relies on mindless drones like the Ch’tauri and those flash clones he dropped on Wakanda, because he’s so blatantly, viciously broken that only mindless meat automatons and his hand-picked cadre of child soldiers / punching bags would ever serve him willingly.

    Sure, his purges don’t actually “balance” the population in the sterile, carefully randomized fashion that his grand design hinges on – he just shoots anyone who raised a hand against his army, then sloppily shoves the survivors into a clump and picks one side to execute.

    Sure, his rant about resource conservation and how he’s a Hard Man Making Hard Decisions is almost comically nonsensical when he could just as easily wish more resources into being with the Gauntlet, or perfectly equalize resource allocation based on population trends, or do literally anything other than commit ultra-genocide.

    But those are all logical observations, and logic has Jack Fuck to do with any of this. Thanos left logic smoldering in the ruins of his homeworld, and everything he does is just that one bad day expressing itself again and again and again and again and again, getting darker and uglier and more out of touch with reality by the day until he legitimately thinks he’s a good parent to the children he kidnapped and recreationally tortured, and that killing half of the universe is some sort of silver bullet solution to everything. He’s so out of his goddamn gourd that he expects to see cheering crowds and parades in his honor when all’s said and done.

    MCU Thanos is *fucked up*, and that lets his weaknesses as a villain become strengths, just by acknowledging how childish and pathetic and irrational his actions really are.

  2. Definitely agree with Claire on the Universe being fucked, especially since the 50% omnicide was random. After all, Titan had nobody alive on it save Stark & co., but way more than half of them were erased. Which is a Problem.

    See, probability means that the murder tally is going to vary all over the place from planet to planet. There’s going to be worlds where nobody died at all, worlds where literally everyone died, and worlds where random chance obliterated all the engineers, or all the government officials, or otherwise primed the planet for Mad Max.

    Meanwhile, the ‘median’ worlds where about 50% of the population died? They’re going to become visions of Hell within the next few days.

    You can already see some of it in the post credits scene – planes falling from the sky, cars suddenly being rendered driverless. It only gets worse from there.

    Fires will sweep through apartment blocks from all the people who disintegrated while making dinner. Power plants, oil rigs, and other facilities across the globe will suffer catastrophic damage when key members of their work crews turn to dust mid-shift. Infants will die because their caretakers suddenly ceased to exist.

    That’s happening on trillion different worlds right now. How many will end up declaring war on rivals who they assume were to blame? How many will implode into insane cults or fascist dictatorships as the survivors misinterpret the slaughter as an act of God (or the Devil), or find the Gandhis and MLKs of their world suddenly vaporize while their opponents are spared?

    A good deal more than 50% of the universal population isn’t going to survive this, one way or the other…

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