The things that I do for you people. I’ve already managed to sit through the first two of these movies and every time it just gets more terrible. The first one was just a shitty (HA) torture porn movie and the second one cranked that up a notch while also basically being a movie that said if you liked this type of thing you were a disgusting, idiotic man-child. Now we get to the third one and you actually have Tom Six guesting as himself in his own movie. This is some serious M. Night Shyamalan level narcissism with even more ridiculousness masquerading as meta-commentary. I am beginning to rethink this whole movie review thing.

This movie starts out with showing the ending of the second movie and it turns out that it was just an accountant showing that movie to a prison warden. The warden is Dieter Laser (the villain from the first movie) and the guy showing it is Laurence Harvey (the villain of the second movie). The accountant has this idea that putting all the inmates into a non-permanent human centipede is the best way to reduce cost at the prison. The warden is, well, just a complete maniac that indiscriminately tortures and kills inmates but has a crippling fear of them. Oh, one of the prisoners is also the Japanese guy from the first movie.

After the second movie, I didn’t really think there was much more they could do to make the concept more disgusting so I didn’t really get grossed out by this one. It certainly still has plenty of those “raw” and “shocking” moments, like a dream sequence where the warden get a hole cut in his side and then a prisoner fucks the hole while everyone around chants at him. He also ends up castrating a prisoner with a knife and then literally having his balls for lunch. Like, the movie wants to shock you and be “in your face” but at this point it’s gotten to the point where I don’t think Tom Six even cares anymore. There is a scene where the warden yells at and shoots a prisoner while saying “I don’t want anyone liking this” and I’m fairly certain that’s Tom Six’s voice coming through there.

Much like the human centipede itself, these movies are just taking the same shit and running it through different places. The main commentary that I believe this one is trying to make in the most heavy handed way possible is the treatment and view of prisoners. They are seen as less than human and, as such, the perfect specimens for such a torturous procedure because the standard American generally doesn’t care about them. Rape gets brought up several times throughout the course of the film which serves as a stark comparison where many people, when asked about occurrences of prison rape, will often say that the prisoner deserves it and it’s all part of the punishment. So the movie just takes the whole violation aspect, cranks it up as high as it can go, and offers it for your viewing pleasure.

Watching one of these movies is never fun. There’s no point where you go “I sure am glad this is happening.” I’m going to give this movie a 1.5 out of 5 and it gets the extra half a point for at least having a point it tries to make instead of only being about grossing you out.

Favorite thing in the movie: The national anthem playing over the end as a naked screaming warden yells into a bullhorn and we see the prisoners below. ‘MURICA

Least favorite thing: The warden character spends the entire movie just screaming and it gets so goddamn annoying.