Jenny McCarthy plays the daughter of Santa Claus, who is played by Paul Sorvino.  There’s a mailman and a misguided elf that wants to be Santa and Santa is doing the “cool but not quite getting it retiree” routine where he like attends a drum circle and buys a snowmobile.  The elves are all really dumb and gullible.  Any of these jokes landing?  Laughing yet?  Okay hang on.  Jenny McCarthy has a short sycophantic but extremely efficient assistant who kisses her boyfriend goodbye for her.  The elves go on strike and one of the things they want is more sprinkles on their cookies.  Santa plays in a jazz band.  The mailman boyfriend lets his dog eat human food at the table.  Anything?

Okay, here’s the breakdown of pros and cons

Pros

• I watched it for free
• It’s over now
• There was basically no Christmas lesson or Christmas moralizing, it was basically just a bunch of father-daughter dynamics and extremely lightweight antagonism from a scheming elf lady

Cons

• Jenny McCarthy in 2009 already looked like a skeksis
• This film is 90 minutes of basically nothing happening
• The song Santa Baby plays in this thing.  Santa Baby is the worst Christmas song by virtually any measure.  It’s just faux sexuality strapped to crass commercialism.  It’s the beer commercial of Christmas carols
• My Netflix will remember that I watched this and make recommendations based on it

I give this film a D-.  I can’t really think of more to say about it, it was basically a diffuse puff of nothing stretched thinner than the skin on McCarthy’s weird face.  Vaccinate your kids.