Horrortoberfest ’22 Day 28 – Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

A movie so bad that it ends up being in the running for worst entry in the Halloween franchise even though we already have the sloppy pile of garbage that is Curse of Michael Myers. It’s so bad, in fact, that the series got scrapped after this came out and they just figured “fuck it” and let Rob Zombie smear a layer of greasepaint all over it 5 years later. Even the stuff in the movie that might have seemed innovative or interesting at the time aged like fine mayonnaise over the years.

The film picks up with the reveal that Laurie didn’t decapitate Michael at the end of the last movie, obviously, and it was actually some poor paramedic with a crushed larynx and no common sense. She is in a mental institute because of this and has been planning for the day Michael returns to finish the job. When he does show up, she is immediately killed off in a way that made it seem like maybe she could have lived and she would be the last minute hero but no, she is actually just dead because this series has a habit of making sure the only character you give a shit about dies in the first 10 minutes of the sequel. Anyway, the actual plot revolves around Busta Rhymes getting some college kids to live stream walking around the old Myers house which will, somehow, equate to them all getting a lot of money. Oh, Busta’s character is named Freddie but that doesn’t matter. As one might expect, Michael doesn’t take kindly to idiots tromping around his house and he explains this to them calmly and everyone comes to a greater understanding.

While the whole idea of a streaming show in 2002 was a pretty fresh concept; the implementation of it in the movie means that we are constantly having to watch sections of the movie through grainy, shitty body cams. It looks like crap and doesn’t add anything interesting to the proceedings since the movie will jump between webcam and actual movie camera interchangeably, meaning the gimmick is useful for making large swaths of the film look cheap and not much else. The fact that the murders are being livestreamed does at least come in handy at one point as our final girl for the film, Sara, is able to get texts from her friend telling her where Michael is in the house and when it’s safe to move. The teamwork angle of someone trying to help navigate a person so they don’t get murdered is probably the best thing the movie has going for it but only happens for about 15 minutes towards the end. What’s not great is that this friend is a high school freshman posing as a grad student in a subplot that doesn’t make sense and is never resolved. Sara never finds this out and the fact he is a freshman and not a grad student has no bearing beyond the whole early internet fear that nobody is who they say they are in a chat room.

The characters in this are absolute nothing people with no real personality beyond “future dead body”. Even Sara doesn’t get any development in this to make us care about her. Hell, Tyra Banks is in this movie as Busta’s partner in the video business, Dangertainment, and has nothing to do. Her only character trait appears to be “refuses to look at the video feed so people can get murdered” and is then unceremoniously killed offscreen. Speaking of Busta, it wouldn’t be a review of Halloween: Resurrection without mentioning the most hated scene in this movie: The part where Busta Rhymes kung-fu fights Michael Myers. For absolutely no reason other than, I’m sure, because Busta wanted it to be included, Freddie spin kicks Michael in the head and then kicks him out a window. What is much less talked about but should also be mentioned is that he later stops Michael by electrocuting him in the dick. I wills say, I like that the movie sets up a possible explanation for why Michael is the way he is but it turns out it’s all just shit planted in the house by Dangertainment. Michael is an unknowable force of nature and I’m glad the movie at least acknowledges it shouldn’t try to introduce why he is that way because down that road leads to druid curses.

While the movie has some half-formed decent ideas in it, the overall product is a mess. Definitely nowhere near as sloppy as Revenge of Michael Myers or as stupid as Curse of Michael Myers but that inexcusable use of shitty webcam makes it just as terrible to sit and watch.

Score: 1.5 out of 5

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