Horrortoberfest 2019 – Day 6 – Deadly Detention

The description of the movie being 5 teens in Saturday detention being stalked by a killer would definitely bring to mind The Breakfast Club even if the poster wasn’t a direct parody of it. What’s unfortunate about that is the fact that The Breakfast Club is actually a halfway decent movie and begging for the comparison isn’t doing this movie any favors. Hell, I think there was more horror in that movie than in this ridiculously terrible film that spends most of its run time floundering around without doing anything.

As mentioned, the plot is 5 teens in detention but it turns out the school is being fumigated so they are going to instead hold detention at an old abandoned prison complex, like any normal school would do. Our teen tropes for this movie will be jock trying to impress her dad, gay black christian, non-binary skater punk, popular rich asshole, and slutty troublemaker. Once we get a couple scenes to establish exactly what one note all of these characters are, then it’s time to get on with the stalking and general PG rated horror. Seriously, though, they don’t show anything to the point where I had to make sure this wasn’t a Disney channel original.

While the acting is about as bad as you would expect from any given teen horror film, I just can’t get over just how safe and boring they play this. There are no swear words, no shots of anyone dying, blood is limited to being barely seen on a dark floor in a dark room, there are no real jump scares, and the characters themselves seem to be taking the threat about as seriously as the movie is. Even after finding their principal hanging in a meat locker (by cords, obviously, since hooks would be too gruesome), these kids still just kind of fart around being their walking cliches right up to the end of the film. Which, oh boy, let me just tell you about the end of this film because I have opinions.

Spoilers but who even cares: When being driven to the prison, we see the security guard has a little shrine to what is presumably his daughter in the dash of the bus. We then get told by the principal that some regulation or whatever changed because of a girl that committed suicide. If you don’t immediately know that the security guard is the killer and also the dad of the dead girl then you have never watched a movie. Still, though, the end of the movie is going to play it as if it is some shocking reveal. I was seriously hoping that the guard would actually try to save them and it wasn’t him because of how obvious and terrible it would be. Add on to that, the end of the movie is actually the dead principal being not so dead and saving the final girl. Except she’s not the final girl because in the last little bit of the movie the principal has to go ahead and say that she found all the other students and they aren’t actually dead but on the way to the ER. What the actual fuck? Who is this movie for? Who wants to watch a non-horror horror film where the end of the movie just handwaves everything back to being inconsequential. Goddamn, this movie was bad.

Score: 1 out of 5. The movie is boring, unoriginal, has no tension and completely lacks any truly redeeming features. If you’re going to make a horror movie, actually make one. This is like someone edited an already shitty horror film to be shown to 6th graders.

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