I was pretty certain I had a winner on my hands when I saw that there was a modern horror movie about an ice cream truck that I had never heard of. Surely, this would be the movie that broke the streak of actually decent horror that I had been on. Now, I don’t want to spoil the ending of the review but yes, yes it was fucking bad. Of course it was bad.
There are two main characters in this movie because it really watches like two entirely separate movies. We have Mary, a mother that just moved into town that is living alone while waiting for her family to show up. Her story mostly centers around the sexual tension she has with 18 year old neighbor boy, Max. He is a young stud that is constantly hitting on her and she tries to deny the attraction even though he makes her feel young again. In the end, she gives in to her desires just before her family comes home and meets him at a park for one night of passionate love. If none of that sounds like a horror movie, it’s because it isn’t. The horror movie takes place with our other protagonist.
Our secondary main character doesn’t have a name and is simply known as The Ice Cream Man. He drives a truck around the neighborhood dispensing homemade treats in an old fashioned way. In fact, he is obsessed with things being old fashioned but especially virtues. He kills a young girl after she drinks and smokes pot. He murders two teens that are planning on having sex. He is pretty much patrolling the neighborhood making sure that everything stays pure and idyllic. Of course these two stories collide once Mary and Max hook up at the park and he shows up to murder them. He gets Max but then Mary manages to kill him and walk away looking haunted. The next day, Mary’s family arrives and she is fine and we see Max and his also murdered girlfriend walk by which apparently means all of this was a dream or a fantasy she was having or something. Either way, what a fucking cop out at the end.
The two separate stories feel so disjointed and nonsensical that it’s hard to really get into the movie. If you are watching to see a good horror film, you end up just getting some snippets of character and a few deaths but nothing more than would be had from watching a short. I don’t know why you would be watching for the naughty romance stuff since it’s billed as a horror film but even that isn’t particularly interesting. Mary continues to rebuff the advances of Max until one night she just decides “fuck it” and goes for it. The play between the two isn’t steamy, the sex scene is short and not sexy, and nothing about it is interesting enough that it makes sense to focus so heavily on it. At the beginning, it seemed like the movie was going to be about how the neighborhood was “wrong” in some way and maybe even that the residents didn’t mind the killing but that whole creepy suburb thing was dropped real quick.
In all, I’d give The Ice Cream Truck a 2 out of 5. There isn’t anything to recommend here and while you can watch It without getting too bored, there isn’t much reason for you to be watching it in the first place.