The Official Movie Mastery List

· by · in Columns. ·

 

We’ve had requests to make our list public, so people can guess what’s coming soon on Movie Mastery.  Here’s the official list, as a result.  If your movie isn’t on the list, either we’ve both seen it, or I lost it somewhere, so don’t worry, just ask about that in the comments.  If your name isn’t behind the movie you suggested, it’s because again, I’m bad at this and forgot to write down your name the first time.  Just say something in the comments again, and boom, thanked!  Someday! Finally, if you see something listed twice, that’s because that smart fan actually sent us a DVD.  They get a little weighting on the die roll.

And remember, we have absolutely no idea what’s coming up next.  We literally roll dice the day we sit down to watch.  For reals.  Since the list is at 29 as of this post, we use weird dice.

  1. Possession
  2. Scorpion King – Moose
  3. Ice Pirates – Lakstoties
  4. Space Truckers – Lakstoties
  5. Fire Walk With Me – DreadLordBunny
  6. House
  7. Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties – Elliot S.
  8. Jupiter Ascending – Chris G.
  9. Crash and Burn – Lakstoties
  10. Suburban Commando
  11. Men in White – Jason J. Parr
  12. Shoot ‘Em Up – Bryan S.
  13. Hell Comes to Frogtown – Bryan S.
  14. Death Bed: The Bed That Eats – Nick E.
  15. Captain America (1979) – Elliot S.
  16. Lightning: Fire from the Sky – Echo Cian
  17. Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders – Hyper Crab Tank
  18. Funky Forest: The First Contact – John B.
  19. Speed Racer – @carvool
  20. Godzilla – Final Wars
  21. Bebes Kids
  22. Watership Down – Armand K.
  23. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
  24. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale – @WarcriminalWaifu
  25. Asteroid – Matthew S.
  26. Falling Down – Matthew S.
  27. El Topo – Matthew S.
  28. Jungle Book – Matthew S.
  29. Night Train to Terror – Michael M.
  30. The Eliminators – Jacob S.
  31. America 3000
  32. Down Periscope – Greg H.
  33. Wild in the Streets – Mike M.
  34. Blood Punch – Jacob S.
  35. Blood Punch
  36. Troll 2 – Vehk V.
  37. Battlefield Earth – Vehk V.
  38. Class of Nuke ‘Em High – Vehk V.
  39. Master of the Flying Guillotine – Brook C.
  40. Caravan of Courage – Vehk V.
  41. Idlewild
  42. Das Boot
  43. Dragonfyre
  44. Duel
  45. Stealth
  46. Clockstoppers
  47. Diggstown
  48. The Ref
  49. Holiday Special List
  50. Dune
  51. The Conqueror
  52. Spawn
  53. Monsturd
  54. Achmed Saves America
  55. Hard Ticket to Hawaii
  56. Megaforce
  57. Gandahar
  58. The FP
  59. Super Mario Bros.
  60. Cemetary Man
  61. Surf Ninjas
  62. Oh! Heavenly Dog
  63. Radioactive Dreams
  64. Purple Rain
  65. Hard Rock Zombies
  66. Udon
  67. Live Freaky Die Freaky
  68. Laughing Dead
  69. Biodome
  70. Freddy Got Fingered
  71. Dragonlance
  72. Maniac
  73. DOA: Dead or Alive
  74. Glen or Glenda
  75. Hawkman the Slayer
  76. Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong
  77. Garbage Pail Kids
  78. Tango and Cash
  79. Grizzly Man
  80. Tiptoes
  81. Bee Movie
  82. Alienator
  83. Metal Tornado
  84. Black Dynamite
  85. Deadly Prey
  86. Howard the Duck
  87. Anything by Neil Breen
  88. Fantastic Planet
  89. All Quiet on the Western Front
  90. The Raid: Redemption
  91. Tokyo Pop
  92. Renaissance Man
  93. Zatoichi
  94. Cobra
  95. Drum
  96. Hulk 2003
  97. Knights of Badassdom
  98. Tiptoes
  99. Don’t Be a Menace
  100. Star Trek: Of Gods and Men
  • Christmas with the Kranks – Donald S.
  • Saving Christmas – Donald S.
  • A Christmas Story – Grant W.
  • Santa with Muscles – Grant W.
  • Eight Crazy Nights – Thomas D.
  • He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special – Thomas D.
  • Elf – Blackraven Darkmoon
  • Silent Night, Deadly Night – Dave

97 responses to “The Official Movie Mastery List”

    • I thought so! I just couldn’t prove it. I put that in my DVD player the other day and I think it gave my TV cancer. I mean, it works and everything, it’s just always sad now.

      • I suppose but it deals with a subject that isn’t, uh, great for comedy? Like trigger warning stuff. Don’t want to spoiler, but it goes to some dark places.

    • I just realized that someone else mailed a movie they wanted us to watch, and it was part of a four pack, with one of the other three films being America 3000. It is serendipity indeed.

  6. Go Korean! “Attack the Gas Station!” and “The Host” are both classics, and I think they’re on Netflix?

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  10. Have you both seen the 1981 German: “das boot”
    That’s my suggestion as I want you to watch something from overseas, and long, and wet, and slow, and actually quite good…

  11. i was randomly searching on netflix and found a movie called Dragonfyre. yes thats the spelling.

    after reading the description and watching the first five minutes i knew i had to recommend it to ya’ll.

    (sorry)

  13. Since you hated my recommendation of Wizards, I am back for round 2. May I present The FP:

    I can provide drinking game rules for the movie if it gets chosen.

  19. Suggestions:

    Smokin’ Aces
    Hulk (2003; Ang Lee)
    Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
    Laser Mission
    Ghost Dog
    Six String Samurai
    Rock ‘n Rule: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q62RjHfX5yM
    Phantom of the Paradise
    The Punisher (1989)
    White Dwarf: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mt90AYy8mvc

    FYI, item #49 on the main list is “The Ref”; if it’s the one I’m thinking of (Denis Leary & Kevin Spacey) you should move it to holiday specials, because it’s definitely a Christmas movie. Sort of.

    Speaking of Christmas movies, you should do Toys, the old Babes in Toyland, and Santa Claus vs. The Martians.

    … and you should do Die Hard 1 & 2 and review them specifically as Christmas movies!

    … I mean, maybe not, but it would amuse the shit out of me.

  20. Just watched Purple Rain for the first time in honor of Prince, and… Wow, that was intense. Y’all need to purify yourselves in the waters of Lake Minnatonka and put this on the list!

  21. I think I emailed this to you, but I do not remember for sure. I recommend the 2006 Japanese movie Udon. It’s a REALLY GOOD movie and I want more people to watch it.

  22. I highly recommend the move Hard Rock Zombies. I found it in the 99 cent bin at the supermarket, watched it, and then promptly went back and bought out all of their stock to hand the movie out to my friends.

    I don’t have many friends left…

  24. You guys have your yearly D&D edition review coming up soon, yes? You should coincide it with a review of the Dragonlance cartoon movie.

  25. Please put “Freddy got Fingered” on the list if you haven’t both already seen it. It’s awful, and I want to share my pain.

  30. Man i feel guilty for contributing to this shitshow, but two potential movies:
    -Hawk The Slayer
    -Gingerdead Man Vs. Evil Bong

  34. Knight of Badassdom – likely only got released to cash in on Peter Dinklage’s rising star in Game of Thrones. This film is a huge waste of some good genre actors – it puts the ass in badass. There’s one funny joke in there about the Monster Manual, so there’s that to look forward to I guess.

  36. Good:
    Ghost Dog
    Six String Samurai
    13th Warrior

    Bad:
    Smokin’ Aces
    Hulk (2003; Ang Lee)
    Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
    Laser Mission
    Rock ‘n Rule (available on YouTube)
    Phantom of the Paradise
    The Punisher (1989)
    White Dwarf (available on YouTube)

    Holiday:
    Toys
    Babes in Toyland (the 70s version)
    Santa Claus vs. The Martians
    Die Hard 1 & 2

    You should move “The Ref” to the Holiday section; it’s a Christmas movie. :)

  38. Just noticed that “Don’t Be A Menace to South Central While Drinkin’ Your Juice in the Hood” is on Netflix, and thus should be on The List. :D

  45. Definitely include WINDOWS (1980). It’s one of the most homophobic movies in existence – featuring an evil lesbian who pays a taxi driver to rape someone and records the rape on a cassette tape so she can listen to it in her car. Directed by the cinematographer of Godfather!

    Or you could just watch CRUISING (1980.) God 1980 was a weird year for gay movies.

  46. I want to add The Dark Crystal to the list, not because it’s bad, but just because I want to see you guys talk about it for an hour

    • Can’t speak for Jon, but that’d be almost unfair for me, because I wouldn’t need to watch it to talk about it in detail for hours. It’s one of my favorite movies. I have all the associated Art of Dark Crystal books, and the only funko pop figure I’ve ever allowed in my house is of a Mystic.

  48. so. i only found something exists, and i’m sorry but i’m afraid i can’t let you go without this;

    Elf Bowling: The Movie

    no really. dear god.

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